I turn my back on the both of them and steady myself using the kitchen counter as I – I just can’t take it anymore. Merely looking at the both of them has become too hard of a task and my mind begins to conjure up excuses. I try to flatten out. It's begging me, it's pleading me to do anything else but this because I - just how was I going to ignore this situation?  

                                      

They expect me to choose...

                                                    

Why would – who could - how could they ask of such a thing when they are more than aware of how much they both mean to me?  How could they expect me to make a choice? Because at least this way, only one would be hurt instead of all three, my mind answers.

 

A part of me begins to conjure up escape routes.

 

- No, another part of me replies firmly, you can’t run from this.

 

I look up. There they sat… watching me from the kitchen table. Seeing them made me want to pick them both. Memories of having been there for me through the ups and downs, the smiles and frowns... during those long hard years this heartless world had shut me out - memories I could not cast aside. They kept playing out before my very eyes and swayed my emotions like they had done so many times before. Loving them both equally, I realised that I couldn’t hurt either any longer.

                                                    

Suck it up.

 

I nod to confirm and begin to weigh out their individual pros and cons. But just as quickly as I decide, my decisions fall apart all over again.   

               

“Do you really love me, guys?”

 

I subconsciously asked aloud with my back still facing them. The words had escaped my lips as a mere whisper, but they had heard me. I could feel their stares boring into my back in response. To answer would be an insult to their many years of loyalty, I knew and instantly regretted it - it was degrading. I bit my lower lip and nodded.

                                  

“I’m sorry,” I breathed.

 

Their silence was all it took for me to know that I was forgiven. After several minutes, I took in a deep breath and turned around to finally face them. I make my way towards the table as I nodded one final time.

  

“I’m ready.”

                                                    

They, of course, did not reply.

 

I reached a hand towards my choice with a quivering hand. Be strong! My head screamed, and I slapped the trembling away with my free hand.                                   

“You can do this!” I stare at the both of them, sitting on the table before me. It was obvious who needed me the most. There he lay, melting away...

 

“There, there, it’s okay now.” I said as I picked up the tub of Ben & Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream and popped the lid open. I took out a spoon from my back pocket like a secret weapon before digging in to the delicious stuff. “Don’t look at me like that Krispy Kremes,” I said with my mouth full of ice-cream, “this is ... just one of life’s cruel choices.” BW